Now that I’m letting my hair grow out I feel like I’m betraying the androgynous part of my identity but I love to transform and push boundaries.
I have decided to let my hair grow out for personal reasons as a promise to myself. It has been a very difficult journey going from cutting it at least once a month to nothing, especially for someone like me who feels like my hair is an extension of myself, of who I am as well as a fashion accessory.
My hair means so much to me and yet nothing at all. I place so much value, not on the amount of hair I have per say but the way I use my hair as an extension of myself. Cutting my hair really short was a new adventure for me. It had always been a vision of mine, that and completely shaving my head which someday I’ll do, but doing it made me feel a sense of comfort in who I was. I have grown to learn that my gender identity is extremely fluid from day to day, having short hair allowed me to feel in touch with both my more “manly” and “womanly” sides of myself. I could roughen the look or lighten the looking depending on the day. Most days I would feel most comfortable in an androgynous look. Having my hair short really helped me communicate that.
My love for transformation has edged me on to grow my hair out, longer than I’ve ever had it before, and it feels good. But part of me feels like I am betraying my identity, this part of me. I feel like this new look, this long hair, will allow me to dress more manly and yet still pique others interests, attention. This will also allow me to push boundaries in a different perspective. I have a very feminine face and body structure, dressing in male attire would seem unexpected from a stereotypical girl with my features, but that’s the fun of it all.